
Scholarly Romance Restaurants
Where professors go to begin their love affairs

The scholarly pursuit of l'amour typically begins at a romantic restaurant.
Ah, the romance of academe!
In every college town there is one special restaurant, a discreet, intimate
place with moderately good food, modest prices,* and a liquor license, where
professors take their favorite grad students. In this restaurant many a
professor has begun nurturing the more personal aspects of the professor-student
relationship. In the proper setting, love of learning can lead to love of
professor.
As a public service, the Annals of Improbable Research is compiling
a list of these special restaurants. (NOTE: This project was announced in
mini-AIR 2001-10.)
==> The Newest Additions to the List
==> The Full List
*RATINGS
Modest prices, while desirable to junior faculty, are not always required.
Prices are rated as follows:
$ -- affordable on an assistant professor's salary $$ -- affordable on an associate professor's salary $$$ -- affordable on a full professor's salary $$$$ -- affordable on Stanley Fish's salary ? -- the reviewer declined to limit the establishment to a single rating
HOW TO ADD AN ITEM TO THIS LIST: We invite you to contribute to this helpful list. Please include the name and location of the restaurant. We also welcome first-hand reviews (a max of 50 words). Please send items to: "SCHOLARLY ROMANCE RESTAURANTS " c/o <marca@chem2.harvard.edu>.
Newest Additions to the Scholarly Romance Restaurants List
Here are the newest additions to the list.
MISSOULA, MONTANA, USA: THE
OXFORD CAFE
RATING: $
"After a night of dancing at Missoula's many music venues, this is
the favored spot for a 2 a.m. breakfast. The house specialty is Brains and
Eggs. The waiter relays the romantic couple's orders for same to the cook,
by shouting, 'They need 'em.'"
(Recommended by investigator Nick Baker)
The List of Scholarly Romance Restaurants
Here is the complete list (as we have it, anyway) of restaurants where professors like to begin love affairs. (Also see the list of New Additions.)
BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA, USA: CHEZ
PANISSE (upstairs)
RATING: ?
(Recommended by investigator Alan M Dunsmuir)
THE BRONX, NEW YORK, USA: DOMINIC'S
RATING: $$
"The best place near Fordham University to be in cahoots while being
beheld is Dominic's, the wildly popular eatery on Arthur Avenue in Little
Italy. You eat family-style, with strangers or acquaintances who would have
to figure out the whole table to sort you out. The waiter tells you what
he's going to bring out, so there's no clue there. He tells you what you
are going to pay, which you do in cash, so that's no clue (basically $$,
but you can see him beforehand and arrange a menu and a price). Nobody stays
for the coffee, and there's no gelato. But you need a walk, and there are
some very quiet dulcerias around the corner."
(Recommended by investigator Michael Dowell)
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS, USA: THE
HARVEST
RATING: $$$"
"Impressive ambiance, excellent food. Consistently produces the desired
results."
(Reviewed by an experienced professor who requested anonymity)
CLEVELAND, OHIO, USA: THE
BARKING SPIDER
RATING: ?
"One of those dark, cozy places with live entertainment - very conducive
to being somewhere in public yet not being in "the spot light".
Perfect for dancing the line between the professional and the personal.
Great for the younger prof to get to know their grads informally."
(Reviewed by investigator Andrew A. Sokal)
CLEVELAND, OHIO, USA: THAT
PLACE (on Bellflower, in a neighboring carriage house to THE
BARKING SPIDER)
RATING: ?
"For the tenured professor who cares less for appearing proper."
(Reviewed by investigator Andrew A. Sokal)
CLEVELAND, OHIO, USA: CLUB
ISABELLA
RATING: ?
"A sultry and romantic establishment with great food."
(Reviewed by investigator Andrew A. Sokal)
DURHAM, NORTH CARLINA, USA: JAMES
JOYCE PUB
RATING: $
"Small, dark, potentially intimate, and not very crowded during the
day."
(Recommended by investigator Kara N. Slade)
IOWA CITY, IOWA, USA: DEADWOOD
RATING: ?
"For at least the last 30 years, the DEADWOOD in IOWA CITY, IOWA has
been the place for professor-student meeting. On occasion, this status has
dropped to the point that professors have even held classes there, lingering
into the evening as students precipitated one by one until only that 'special'
student remained...."
(Reviewed by investigator Bill Rutledge)
ITHACA, NEW YORK, USA: THE
ANTLERS
RATING: $
"Antlers on the wall, good food, nice polished wood, excellent shrimp
cocktail, located out on the edge of town. Discreet staff. A good, quiet
place to start things off right."
(Reviewed by an experienced professor who requested anonymity)
KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI, USA: EDEN
ALLEY
RATING: $
"Live music on weekends and vegetarian cuisine in the basement of a
temple of God can be the perfect accompaniment for the, or response to a,
suggestion that anthropological research might possibly be directed more
inwardly. Shares a parking lot with the new multiplex."
(Reviewed by investigator David Nicol)
PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA, USA: ALI
BABA (on Craig near Forbes)
RATING: $
"A good place to start things off. Close to campus, so there's some
risk of being seen. You can break the ice by popping pita with hummus into
each other's mouths. If things go well, the baklava you take home could
be eaten off of each other later."
(Recommended by an experienced professor who requested anonymity)
Supplementary data: "As an employee of this fine establishment,
I eagerly concur with the 'experienced' professor's assessment of my restaurant,
insofar as the intrigues of certain unnamed philosophy departments afford
me constant delight in my mundane job. I see and hear all -- and tell none!"
(-- correspondent's name suppressed by request)
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA, USA: MISTER
PEABODY'S
RATING: $
(Recommended by an experienced professor who requested anonymity)
STATE COLLEGE, PENNSYLVANIA, USA: THE
TAVERN and DUFFY'S TAVERN
RATINGS: THE TAVERN ($$) DUFFY'S TAVERN($$$)
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in State College, PA it
matters which of you is to be beheld.
If it's OK for the professor to be beheld with the student, you should just
go across S. Allen to The Tavern ($$). As far as anyone knows, you could
just be having an upscale pizza. Things can get interesting over the drooly
desserts... "
If it is more appropriate for the student to be beheld with the professor,
you should remove to Duffy's Tavern in Boalsburg ($$$). Old stage coach
stop on Victorian town square, candlelight on antique furniture, serious
bar and let beer never be spoken between us... this is risky business. If
your concentration lapses, you'll go away engaged.
(Recommended by investigator Michael Dowell)
© Copyright 2001 Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
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