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PLAY BY PLAY: Darksiders Drop Pair to Nightlighters

Reports from the sporting fields of science and medicine

compiled by Kurt Vile, AIR staff
 

March, 2000

The Nightlighters, their ears ringing from a bitter loss just six months ago, picked up a pair of wins over their archrivals, the Darksiders.

The Nightlighters, opthalmologists who contend that no harm will come to an infant's eyes if the parents leave a light on all night, copped two big publications in the March 9, 2000, issue of the scientific sporting journal Nature. Jane Gwiazda of the New England College of Optometry captained the first victory, Karla Zadnik of Ohio State University the second.

Their opponents, who last year scored an apparent knockout win by publishing a paper in the May 13 issue of the very same journal, were left reeling by this new double hit. One moment the Darksiders had the world believing that night lights would tend to induce myopia in developing infants; then suddenly the magic was gone and the public was cheering itself hoarse for the other side.

Richard Stone of the University of Pennsylvania Medical Center, team captain of the Darksiders in their single, fleeting win ten months ago, managed his side's limp retaliatory effort. Stone did score a small protest note in the same issue of Nature in which his rivals published their double-thrasher. But over all, things are looking dim for the dark ones.

The Darksiders are still in the championship hunt, but just barely. Captain Stone gamely insists that evidence from animal studies suggests that cycles of light and darkness affect eye development.

The fans are eager to see a decisive rematch. The myopia of future generations may or may not depend on the ultimate outcome of the series.

Detailed Game Reports

The official game records are on file with the league office. Here is a complete list:

Related Sports Features

For related reports about this series of contests, see the WebMD report http://www.cnn.com/2000/HEALTH/children/03/08/light.myopia.wmd/index.html and the Associated Press report http://abcnews.go.com/sections/living/DailyNews/myopia000309.html.

 

This is a HotAIR exclusive feature. (c) copyright 2000 Annals of Improbable Research