================================================================ The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR") Issue Number 1995-03 March, 1995 ISSN 1076-500X Key words: improbable research, science humor, Ig Nobel, AIR ---------------------------------------------------------------- A free monthly mini-supplement to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) the journal of inflated research and personalities published by The MIT Museum ================================================================ ----------------------------- 1995-03-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1995-03-01 Table of Contents 1995-03-02 Skimpy Snippets from AIR 1:2 1995-03-03 In Defense of Cindy Crawford 1995-03-04 Ig Nobel Plea and Contest 1995-03-05 Puzzling Predators 1995-03-06 Top Quark Tour 1995-03-07 Carning Error 1995-03-08 Improbable Education 1995-03-09 Animal Recovery Movement 1995-03-10 AIR Vents -- Exhalations from our readers 1995-03-11 Government Improbability Catalog 1995-03-12 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results 1995-03-13 May We Recommend... 1995-03-14 AIRhead Events 1995-03-15 Calls for Papers 1995-03-16 What is AIR? (*) 1995-03-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) 1995-03-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) 1995-03-19 Our Addresses (*) 1995-03-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-03-02 Alluring Snippets from AIR 1:2 The articles in AIR itself contain too many photos, graphs, drawings and typographical niceties (and more important, are too long) to publish in mini-AIR. Here are skimpy summaries of randomly selected articles from the March/April 1995 issue (vol. 1, no. 2) of AIR. AIRhead Research Review (regular column) Summaries of recent published reports about: (a) motion sickness in amphibians; (b) whether men lie on fear surveys; (c) waist-to- hip ratios in Miss Americas and Playboy playmates; (d) the behavior of Japanese tree frogs under microgravity; (e) hypercapnia during wretching in dogs; and (f) the collapse of toilets in Glasgow. --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, p. 5. NOBEL THOUGHTS (regular column): David Hubel An interview with the 1981 Nobel Laureate in physiology or medicine explores his views on supermarket etiquette, with special emphasis on the propriety of eating grapes in the store. --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, p. 8. "Fetal Man in the Moon (image)," by Robert Roger Lebel of Genetics Services, Elmhurst, Illinois. An ultrasonographic image obtained during an obstetrical transvaginal study at five weeks of gestation is remarkably similar to the mythical man in the moon. --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, p. 11. "The Dental Micro-Luger," by Walter Martin, SAS Institute, Cary, North Carolina. An x-ray image demonstrates a new application of microtechnology. A micro-luger is employed to break up an impacted wisdom tooth. This makes the eventual extraction less trumatic for the patient. --see: AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, p. 13. "Nematodes and Hieroglyphs," by Mark Benecke, Zoologisches Institut der Universitaet, Koln, Germany The author presents photographic evidence that hieroglyphs were not invented by the Egyptians. Credit must instead be given to the microscopic roundworm Caenorhabditis elegans. In the laboratory, C. elegans displays a wide range of behaviors. Benecke's research shows that this range is much wider than had been realized. --from AIR, vol. 1, no. 2, Mar/Apr 1995, pp. 17-18. ----------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-03-03 In Defense of Cindy Crawford We must rise to defend the honor of a noted researcher, Cindy Crawford. In mini-AIR 1995-02 we announced the premiere of the new AIR column "Cindy Crawford Discovers," which reports on the scientific efforts and achievements of supermodel Cindy Crawford (and her ilk) as documented in research journals such as "Vogue," "Cosmopolitan," "Elle," etc. The following day we received an inquiry from the magazine "Entertainment Weekly," seeking an advance copy of the first column. We duly faxed a copy of the colunm, which concerns Cindy Crawford's recent achievements in chemistry. A day later, Entertainment Weekly's editors informed us that they consider Cindy Crawford's scientific achievements "too insubstantial" to report. We must take exception. In our view, Crawford's lack of a Ph.D. in no way disqualifies her from conducting research with shampoos. To see this, one need look no further than her report concerning "a patented outrageous formula... enriched with pro-vitamin B5, silk protein and moisture-binding silicone." (The full text of Crawford's paper appears on page 11 of the January, 1995 issue of the research journal "Vogue.") ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-03-04 Ig Nobel Plea and Contest The Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony is in jeopardy unless we can gather additional funding for it. The event's major funding source has chosen to withdraw its support. The ceremony is held in MIT's Kresge Auditorium with 1200 spectators, with help from more than 150 volunteers. We have to cover expenses for equipment, props, printing, mailing and telephone costs, for union labor in the auditorium, etc. Therefore, we proudly announce the Ig Nobel Prize Contest. We are not too proud to beg. If you would like to help, please send us $1 together with a 3 x 5 index card bearing your name address, phone number and e-mail address. Mail it to: The Ig Nobel Prize Endowment AIR The MIT Museum 265 Massachusetts Ave. Cambridge, MA 02139 For those who want something for the dollar, here is what you can win: FIRST PRIZE A free year's subscription to The Annals of Improbable Research (a magnificent 6-issues/year print publication). SECOND PRIZE The lucky (?) second prize winner will win a 1995 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony Poster autographed by several Nobel Laureates and by the Swedish Meatball King. That individual will, if he or she chooses, attend the ceremony (at his/her own expense) and sit on stage beside the Swedish Meatball King and Queen during the Ceremony as an honorary member of the royal family. THIRD PRIZE A free copy of mini-AIR. EVERYONE ELSE If you include an adequately stamped self-addressed envelope we will send you a worthless xeroxed certificate proclaiming you to be a FIG (Friend of the Ig). Yes, you can write this off on your taxes -- it is a tax deductable contribution to MIT. Donations larger than $1 are of course most welcome. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-03-05 Puzzling Predators Thanks to our AIRhead foolproof proofreading regimen, the February issue of mini-AIR contained a grossly curious list of "African predators." Several thousand readers kindly wrote in to make sure we knew that tigers habitually dwell in Asia. Many also pointed out that (as put succinctly by investigator K. Hearn) "giraffes and wildebeest are generally not considered predators, unless one happens to be a leaf or a blade of grass." A reader identifying himself as "Art in Hollywood" was moved to poetry: "Ahhh those thrilling nature films showing the fearsome giraffe stalking it's wily prey - the leaf!" ------------------------------------------------ 1995-03-06 Top Quark Tour Congratulations and huzzahs to the physicists at Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory for finding evidence of that most elusive of subatomic particles, the Top Quark. We at AIR are arranging to acquire Fermilab's entire collection of top quarks and prepare them for public viewing. A travelling exhibition will stop in major cities around the world. The Top Quark tour schedule will be announced as soon as we solve the minor technical problems of how to preserve and mount the specimens. ------------------------------------- 1995-03-07 Carning Error The person identified in the February issue of mini-AIR as "John Carne" has requested that we identify him by his correct name, "James Carne." This James Carne resides in Amsterdam and is presumably male, though we make no definite claim in that regard. Nor do we make any specific statement as regards this individual's middle name or indeed on the question of whether this individual has a middle name, nor do we rule out the possibility that the J. (i.e., "James") Carne in question has more than one middle name. Please do not address correspondence on this matter to us, or to anyone named Carne, or to any resident of Amsterdam, or to anyone who can read. Thank you. ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-03-08 Improbable Education [EDITOR'S NOTE: We received this letter from an AIR subscriber. It made us feel very proud. Perhaps you will find subversive inspiration from it:] I want to congratulate you on the second issue and the very real impact it is already having. Yesterday (the day after I received it in the mail), my girlfriend's 14 year old son picked AIR#2 out of my pack (where my "current reading" is kept). He proceeded to read it intently cover to cover, especially "A Natural History of the Articulated Lorry". This is a kid who, in 6 years that I've known him, has betrayed relatively little interest in the various "educational" magazines (the usual: "Natural History," "Smithsonian," "National Geographic," etc.) compared to the lure of Nintendo. Not that there haven't been other factors behind his nascent interest in science. But we've had to fight the determined efforts of the public school system to get him to loathe science with a passion. The motivations may be different, but the actions are the same. It's a long, uphill, and ongoing battle, that will doubtless continue until he's out of the clutches of the above-mentioned negative influences. AIR has given him a big boost. Thank you!!! Mark Crispin Bainbridge Island, Washington ------------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-03-09 Animal Recovery Movement This RFP (request for proposal) appeared in a recent issue of the "NIH Guide." NOTICE OF AVAILABILITY (RFPs/RFAs/PAs) ************************************** EVALUATION OF COMPOUNDS FOR ABUSE POTENTIAL IN BABOONS (RFP N01DA-5-7050) National Institute on Drug Abuse We take this opportunity to again express our support for 12-step animal substance abuse recovery programs. (Thanks to investigator Barry Saver for bringing this RFP to our attention.) ----------------------------------------------- 1995-03-10 AIR Vents -- Exhalations from our readers At the end of his quarter-page quasi-treatise on pronunciation, Lipkin ( "Nucular Physics," AIR, vol. 1, no. 1, Jan/Feb 95, p. 30) makes an assertion that should be quashed. He states that Murphy's law was penned by "someone else with the same name." However, it is well known that someone else with the same name was responsible for the entire corpus of works of "Homer", and there have been many allegations that the same author was also responsible for the writings of Shakespeare. It strains credulity -- let alone even a cursory analysis of style and symbolism -- to claim that one author was responsible for all three corpora. Dennis P. Geller, Brookline, MA Thanks to my biographer Manuel de Mosa you can read (in German language) a report on my life and my problems caused by innovative mind-control-techniques. It is published electronically on the file "pub/doc/BRDStasi.roman" of the server "ftp.ira.uka.de". -Lukas Servatius Derenbold [EDITOR'S NOTE: You can also access this document via the AIR home page.] ---------------------------------------------------------- 1995-03-11 Government Improbability Catalog [This is adapted from the APS newsletter WHAT'S NEW, Mar. 3, 1995, by Robert L. Park] The 420-page report, "Alternative Medicine: Expanding Medical Horizons," lays out a NIH Office of Alternative Medicine agenda for research into a variety of topics. Homeopathic medicines employ dilutions far beyond the point at which a single molecule would remain, but the water "remembers." Where does physics fit in? Well, when really weird things happen, like mental healing at a distance, it must be quantum mechanics (physicist Brian Josephson is cited for authority). Medical ethics are not ignored; the possibility of distant organisms being harmed by non- local mental influence is raised, and board certification of mental healers is proposed "to protect consumers from predatory quacks." An entire chapter is devoted to "Bioelectromagnetics." This is tricky stuff: "Weak EMF may, at the proper frequency and site of application, produce large effects that are either clinically beneficial or harmful." ------------------------------------------------------------ 1995-03-12 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1993), we are compiling a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number two thousand. Randomly selected items from the list include: ITEM 66605 (Submitted by investigator Dennis Gately) "Science 2000," An educational program to bring high school science instruction into the next century, a joint project of Tufts University and Governor Dummer(no this is not a typo) Academy. ITEM 66606 (Submitted by investigator Chris Garrigues) "The NII 2000 Steering Committee," a group of high-level executives and distinguished academicians that seeks white papers on topics relevant to NII technology deployment, whatever that is. ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-03-13 May We Recommend... Research reports that merit a trip to the library. Investigator Barry Bogin reports: "I was searching Medline the other day for articles by one CE Graham, perhaps the formost expert in chimpanzee estrus cycle endocrinology and I found that there is another CE Graham -- possible a medical researcher from Australia. The following are three articles that 'merit a trip to the library.' Any one of these may seem innocuous, but taken _en mass_ I think there is a sinister pattern." 1) Graham CE (1992) Thumb paronychia treated with leeches. Med. J. Aust. 156(7):512. 2) ________ (1982) Painless jogging for 15,000 km after a lumbrosacral stabilization with screws and cement. Med. J. Aust. 1(9):389. 3) ________ (1993) Sudden death while lawnmowing. Med J. Aust. 158(3):216. (We welcome your suggestions for this column. Please include full citations. If possible, please send us a photocopy of the paper.) ----------------------------------------------------------- 1995-03-14 AIRhead Events SIGMA XI, Warren Michigan Fri, May 12 Speech and improbable slides at the society's annual dinner. Info: Kurt Godden 810-986-1479 godden@gmr.com 1995 IG NOBEL PRIZE CEREMONY Thurs, Oct 5 INTERSOCIETY POLYMER CONFERENCE Tues, Oct 10 Keynote address / improbable research seminar / slide show. Stouffer Harborplace Hotel, Baltimore, MD Info: (518) 387-7942 *** If you would like to host an improbable research seminar / slide show please get in touch with us. --------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-03-15 Calls for Papers CALL FOR Barium Enemas of the Rich and Famous. Please send x-rays only. CALL FOR DATA for the Agonized Student Excuse Project. College instructors lament that incoming students are not as prepared as their predecessors. We are collecting a wide sampling of outstandingly improbable excuses offered by students. The theme of the excuse must be: "why I cannot or should not be responsible for learning or thinking." Only genuine data collected from students is acceptable. We are collecting the best and worst excuses given by students. Please specify the subject being taught. Please email entries to BOURBAKI@NEU.EDU CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizes. Prizes are awarded for achievements that cannot or should not be reproduced. Nominations may be submitted, anonymously or otherwise, by e-mail or by standard mail. Please include documentation. --------------------------------------------------------------- 1995-03-16 WHAT IS AIR? (*) The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) is a splendid educational magazine produced by the entire former editorial staff (1955-1994) of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results." AIR's co-founders are Marc Abrahams, who edited the Journal from 1990-1994, and Alexander Kohn, who founded the Journal in 1955 and was its editor until 1989. AIR is published by the MIT Museum in Cambridge, MA. The editorial board consists of more than 40 distinguished scientists from around the world including seven Nobel Laureates and a convicted felon. Each October, AIR produces the Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony at MIT, honoring people whose achievements cannot or should not be reproduced. --------------------------- 1995-03-17 How to Subscribe to AIR(*) Amaze your colleagues. Delight your friends. Impress yourself. Subscribe to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)! Put more AIR in the lab, the classroom, the office, the waiting room, the library, the living room, the restroom, ...the detention center. And it makes a lovely gift of the most unexpected kind. =========================================================== =========================================================== Please send a subscription to The Annals of Improbable Research for a period of (check one): ___ 1 year (six issues) ___ 2 years (twelve issues) Name: Addr: Addr: City: State: ZIP: Country: Phone: FAX: Email address: Payment method: ___ Mastercard ___ Visa ___ American Express Card #: Exp. date: (If you prefer not to send your credit card number via email, please fax, phone or mail in your order. We do accept PGP-encoded order forms.) ___Check (drawn on US bank) or int'l money order is enclosed. ___ This is a gift from: Name: Addr: Addr: City: State: ZIP: Country: Phone (voice): FAX: Email address: ___Send renewal notice to me. ___Send renewal notice to my beneficiary. Rates (in US dollars) USA 1 year - $19.95 2 years - $34.95 Canada/Mexico 1 year - $27 2 years - $45 Overseas 1 year - $40 2 years - $70 Total payment enclosed: Send payment to the Annals of Improbable Research (AIR), via Email: mitshop@mit.edu FAX: (617) 253-8994 Mail: The MIT Museum 265 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge, MA 02139 USA Phone: (617) 253-4462 --------------------------- 1995-03-18 How to Receive mini-AIR, etc.(*) mini-AIR is an monthly electronic supplement to The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR). It is available over the Internet, free of charge. To subscribe, send a brief E-mail message to: LISTSERV@MITVMA.MIT.EDU The body of your message should contain ONLY the words SUBSCRIBE MINI-AIR MARIE CURIE (You may substitute your own name for that of Madame Curie.) ------------------------------------------------------------ To stop subscribing, send the following message: SIGNOFF MINI-AIR To obtain a list of back issues, send this message: INDEX MINI-AIR To retrieve a particular back issue, send a message specifying which issue you want. For example, to retrieve issue 94-00006,send this message: GET MINI-AIR 94-00006 To obtain a somewhat complete list of gopher sites that maintain mini-AIR, email us a request. ::::: Hot AIR on the World Wide Web http://web.mit.edu/improb/ ::::: AIR extracts on USENET The USENET newsgroup clari.feature.imprb_research presents a syndicated weekly column of reports extracted from The Annals of Improbable Research. [NOTE: This is available only if your Internet site subscribes to the Clarinet newsgroups.] --------------------------- 1995-03-19 Our Addresses The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) The MIT Museum 265 Massachusetts Ave., Cambridge, MA 02139 USA Subscriptions: 617-253-4462 fax:(617)253-8994 mitshop@mit.edu Editorial: 617-253-8329 air@mit.edu http://web.mit.edu/improb/ PLEASE include your Internet address in printed correspondence. --------------------------- 1995-03-20 Please Forward/Post This Issue! (*) Please distribute copies of mini-AIR (or excerpts) wherever appropriate. The only limitations are: A) Please indicate that the material appeared in mini-AIR. B) You do NOT have distribute it for commercial purposes. ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) copyright 1995, The Annals of Improbable Research ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------- mini-AIRheads ------------- Editor: Marc Abrahams (marca@mit.edu) WWW Editor/Global Village Idiot: Amy Gorin (ringo@mit.edu) Associate Editors: Mark Dionne, Stanley Eigen, Jane Patrick Technical Difficulties: Diego Garcia, Francesca Thurston Co-conspirators: Mike Zarren,Gary Dryfoos,Chip LaChien Authority Figure: Barbara Linden ============================================================ IMPORTANT -- The Annals of Improbable Research is IN NO WAY associated with the name "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" or with the publisher of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results" ============================================================