Ig Nobel acceptance speech: Named cows

A highlight from the 2009 Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony [AIR 15:6]:

Acceptance speech for the prize for veterinary medicine [for showing that cows who have names give more milk than cows that are nameless]

Peter Rowlinson:

“I grew up on a dairy farm in Suffolk, 15 miles from Cambridge. I find myself geographically challenged being here [in Cambridge, Mass.]—yet over 3,000 miles from home. Cath, the senior author of this work, is unable to be here. Along the theme of RISK, she was unaware of the contraceptive benefits of Coca Cola—resulting in pregnancy! She has recently had a baby. You can see [in the projected photograph] that her baby girl is a black and white Holstein Friesian.

“At Newcastle we have an interest in interactions between humans and domestic animals. We undertook a series of studies on young dairy cattle which showed benefits of positive treatment during rearing. From a survey came the finding that cows with names gave more milk! So, what does this tell us? It’s just part of good stockmanship. Farmers that know and care for their cows.

“There are many that I would like to thank, some humans, but mainly the cows! So, Thank you to: Bluebell (my father’s favourite cow); Clover; Buttercup; Daisy; have you noticed the preference for flower names?!” (At this point, Miss Sweetie Poo intervened, undeterred by the bribe of a stuffed cow.)