Improbable Research

We received this cover letter, which accompanied a lengthy article written in Russian. We have blotted out the author’s name (which may be overkill, because it was illegible).

When a magazine is published entirely in one language (our magazine happens to be in English), submissions written in other languages may be at a disadvantage. In this case, we will not publish the article, but we have (as you can see) published the cover letter.

BONUS: See David J. Smyth’s 1994 essay, which has the same title.

Investigator Joseph Schoolcraft writes [AIR 15:5]:

Perhaps one of your readers can help me identify the metal used to make the watch fob borne by the gentleman standing at the rear center of this photo. I have reason to believe he is none other then Helio More, the father of Drake More and uncle of Ramona Irton, both of whom are, I am sure, familiar to anyone who has read section 4 of chapter 62 of the 1962 edition of the classic physical chemistry textbook Bonds and Forces, Considered and Classified, by E.E. Merrill, T.K. Okha, and R. Falcone.

Investigator Lheal Chormnast writes [AIR 15:5]:

You are going to hate me, and maybe you already do. But I have happy news! I apologize for taking up your time and so very many pages of your letters column. Thank you for publishing my now-sadly-lengthy series of letters (most recently in AIR Vents 15:4) in reproducing increasingly marked-up versions of our photo-graphic treasure. My assistant Gruber’s replacement, Steiner, who has a remarkable track record (that’s why I hired him) has demonstrated to my satisfaction that Mel really in this photograph. Of course I, though my heavy-handed corrections,” have obliterated much of the photo. But Mel is in the clear! He is clearly visible at the lower left. I have circled his image. Again thank you for your patience as I have sorted out this unfortunate mixup.

Dr. Minka Cosgrove writes [AIR 15:6]:

I disagree with Doris Morra (AIR Vents 15:4) and Sugreeva Baliga (AIR Vents 15:5) that Olivia Rausch is necessarily a moron. I of course agree with them that the photo in Rausch’s article (“Museum Treasures for Children,” AIR 14:7) does not show a “disused late-nineteenth century Prussian cannon shell” as Rausch claims, and that it is a piece of whale anatomy. We must, however, allow for the possibility that Rausch is an over-sheltered ignoramus. By the way, I, like Dr. Baliga, have a husband who has one exactly like it.

Investigator Lucille Zimmerman writes:

I recently read a fine review of the movie  “The Wrestler” by Bob Calhoun, a former pro wrestler himself, who wrote, “Ever since my days of being in the wrestling show, I can’t get through a Home Depot without checking out the prices of particle board picnic tables and steel folding chairs.” This came shortly after having recently seen [Ig Nobel Prize winner and] sword swallower Dan Meyer’s short film about purchasing, swallowing, and then returning a set of garden shears (on the grounds that they “taste funny”) to a similar store. I have now learned of what is called the “DIY BDSM” movement, in which people interested in kinky sex purchase their own raw materials,

“Perhaps one of your readers can solve this mystery. This drawing is in two of three copies I own (yes, I am a book collector) of the 1895 book 400 Versuche aus dem Gebiete der Mechanik, Akustik, Wärme, Optik, Elektricität. Uebungsbuch für den Experimentirkasten, Meiser and Mertig, editors, (4th edition, Dresden, Selbstverlag). My third copy contains a nearly identical drawing, but one that does not have the hand sticking out of the slot in the box on the table. I am sure there are good historical reasons why the hand does not appear in that one copy of the book, but my knowledge of elementary physics experiments is too limited to tell me what that reason could be. I hope somebody will enlighten me.”

—so writes Shawn Thieb of Hogekirk, South Africa

[That's from "AIR Vents," in AIR 15:4.]