Improbable Research

What is the best use for Velostat electrically conductive film?

One man’s answer: stop alien abductions. Michael Menkin, formerly of Fluke Corporation, which supports flexibility in the workplace to balance job requirements with employees’ personal-life demands, gives complete step-by-step instructions for building and using a velostat helmet specifically for this purpose.

Here is a small portion of those instructions:

Prepare strips of tape to secure Velostat sheets to the hat.

1. Cut small strips of tape about 1/2" wide and as long as the tape width, which should be 11/2" to 2" long, and stick them to the back of a dinner plate or other smooth surface for use.

2. You will fill four or five platefuls of tape strips during the construction of the thought screen.

[NOTE: Experts are of varying opinions as to the nature of the helmet question.]

The story of unhappiness with Santa Claus (see the recent item here about Professor Trinkaus’s shopping mall Santa research) has a second, perhaps more sinister part. Apparently, even Mall Santas don’t like Mall Santas. An Agence France Press report tells the tale, or at least part of it:

Santa Wars as deposed British world champ fumes

Sun Dec 18,10:22 AM ET

The British Father Christmas who lost his Santa of the Year world crown has lashed out, citing a suspected campaign to stop him from winning again that has damaged "Santa morale".

Ron Horniblew, 70, has been authorised by the Master Santa in Greenland and is part of the elite international Santa circuit who compete at the Santa Winter Games, where up to 50 Father Christmases compete for the world title.

Estonian accordionist Aare Rebban grabbed the crown "amid dark mutterings of political voting, professional jealousy and backbiting"…

The annual special Ig Nobel issue of the magazine has just gone out from the printer, mailed to good (and bad) little (and big) subscribers around the world.

Three of the articles are online: the overview (with lots of photos) of the Ig Nobel Ceremony; the transcripts and photos of the Infinite Lectures; and the libretto (and photos) of the mini-opera "The Count of Infinity."

[NOTE: If you get (or give as a gift) a subscription of the magazine, and want it to begin with this Ig Nobel issue, just write or type that -- IN BIG LETTERS so we won't miss it -- in the subscription form.]

Steven R. Schmid, associate professor of aerospace and mechanical engineering at Notre Dame University discourses on the topic "What’s in those cans beside beer?"

What Professor Trinkaus saw surprised and saddened him. More than 95 percent of the children were visibly indifferent or hesitant as they approached Santa. Only one percent of them smiled or showed other signs of happiness. On the other hand, Professor Trinkaus noted, nearly all of the parents were visibly quite happy and excited.

That was true two years ago when we reported on Professor Trinkaus’s study (”Visiting Santa: An Informal Look,” Psychological Reports, vol. 95, no. 2, October 2004, pp. 587-8.) of the people (both kids AND adults) who visit Santa a shopping malls.

That was not the end of the story. Professor Trinkaus continued his research, and has published a new study (”Visiting Santa: Another Look,” Psychological Reports, vol. 96, no. 3, part 2, June 2005, pp. 1022-4.) This confirmed what he had seen during the first study.

[NOTE: Professor Trinkaus, who is perhaps surprisingly cheerful about his findings, was awarded the 2003 Ig Nobel Literature Prize for meticulously collecting data and publishing more than 80 detailed academic reports about things that annoyed him.]